11th October 2024
Ever since I started to learn about tech, programming and everything back in college in 2011 and 2012, I had a habit of researching for stuff by going to various websites and watching videos was never part of the process. Slowly however, youtube which was still new started to emerge at least for me.
It was new to me and back then you would search for stuff, find it and be done with it and move on with your life. Slowly however something started to change, with youtube and slowly with all social media where searching for stuff was no matter part of it but actually you were given things to you, I remember this app that came with my TV called neverthink and I that's the exact issue, never think. Anyways, this sounds like another blog for some other day, my focus today is something else.
So something started to change suddenly, earlier where youtube was used most of work, it slowly started to turn into entertainment stuff more and more. Even the tech channels started jumping up and down like monkeys, take Linus Tech Tips for example. I used to watch that channel back then a lot because I was learning a lot of stuff. Software was never a problem to me but hardware was and I was interested in how both worked together. However, something started to happen, something started to change over the years, not with youtube, but with me.
I started to live through them. I started to watch people, and not just for work, but for gaming, sports and everything and started living my life through them. You might think that you don't do that and I am having trouble how to make you understand what I mean so let's start with the exact example. It's not jealousy, jealousy is still good, because you want the same thing in life as someone else has and you will work to get it, this is something opposite to that: Contenmentment might be the word here. Let's pause and run through my scenario first:
Scenario: Tech Entertainment Youtubers
Where earlier I used to watch Linus Tech Tips videos to mainly figure out stuff I was cursious about, the subscription thing and getting notified for any new videos made me more and more like the dopamine monkey and I HAD TO watch the new video that he came out with even if I am not interested. And if you are following him for over a decade you will realize that he started to show his personal life more and more.
I remember seeing his wife for the first time and thinking to myself, "That's what I want," a life like that where I am going to do whatever tech thing I want to do in my own way and have a supportive partner like her. It might have been jealousy at that time or mere wanting to have something better in life but it wasn't as bad as it started getting later.
Later I slowly started to realize that I might not be able to do stuff he is doing at all maybe and so I gave up on the same goal and just continued watching the video with a sort of contentment like at least he gets to live his life as he wants. And this feeling right here, is what I am trying you to bring to.
Later I wasn't even aware of this feeling and it all become just a way of me living through him. He was happy and excited with something in his life, so was I. If he was sad(rarely on camera), so was I. It felt that him achieving something in life in some weird way made me achieve something too.
Later in life, after many many years, I started to make my own videos, a lot of them. I got back to researching stuff and after many years of hard work was able to earn some pocket money on the side and MY journey had started. I unsubscribed from all channels and never subscribed to any channel again mainly because, I have limited time on this planet, I can either create something, or I can consume something. And since I have a backlog of stuff to still create(almost 100 videos right now), I couldn't consume content at all.
I know it sounds dumb but let's take it into another scenario and maybe that is more what other people can agree with.
Scenario: Watching Streamers play games
This was a completely new concept. If we wanted to experience a game, we used to download said game and play it and enjoy it for ourselves. Playing games was always the thing we did. We never even thought of watching someone else play, why would we do that?
Then slowly this thing with Twitch started back then when we saw it grow with the whole live thing and it was good to see some youtubers play a competitive game to a good level, almost tournament level and have them read your name. (P.S: Every Twitch streamer has said my name as nihant and not nishant seeing my username ni6hant ). Then there used to be either the same clips moved to youtube or some recorded part of it on youtube.
The point is, I started to watch other people play games, single player, multiplayer, low skill level, high skill level doesn't matter, but I started to watch them a lot. Instead of playing the game for myself.
Sekiro is the best example. I watched so much footage of this game that I have a hard time picking this game up now. Earlier I set myself a challenge that I couldn't find in this game which others did so I continued that but once that was over I didn't at all want to play the game because I had spoiled everything for me.
But let's get that spoiler topic out of the way, it's kind of off-topic.
And you would say, what they are able to, I am unable to recreate like doing a whole lobby of other people, simon plays games or playing with high-skilled level and what not, and I agree with you. I agree you will not be able to recreate what other streamers are doing on stream but whatever you do will be unique to you. It's something you will have done and you would have enjoyed.
Sometimes it got so bad that I used to spent hours in a day just watching other people play games or watching their pre-recorded games and never actually touching a game for myself, especially with newer titles which my PC couldn't handle. I watched the whole Harry Potter game which came out quite recently and even used to plan watching full game videos and download them in advance instead of playing them myself.
I used to get all excited and happy when the streamer used to had this moment. I used to laugh with him or at him depending on the situation. Leaving comments, reading other comments and loving what they had done. It's all warm and cuddly and happy happy feelings until you realize what you're doing. I was living my life through them. They were playing the game, like a proper streamer, I wasn't. I was not doing that. I was in the chat like everyone else encouraging him.
So I started to play the games again, I stopped watching all streamers completely and started playing my own games, and since I stream myself now, if I need to watch a stream, I watch myself play and have started to make playlist of games that can be finished (and got rid of live service games that has no ending).
Even if you decide you can't stream games or don't like streaming games, if you start playing it for yourself, it might not be as good as other streamers, nor as many people or no one joins but it will be a lot better use of your time instead of living your life through others.
Scenario: The biggest one of them all: Reels/Shorts/Constant few seconds memes:
I didn't intend to write about this scenario but I realized this is still one of it. The way social media is formed these days is if you upload your content that you created, you are still bombarded with ton of content through an algorithm that many scientists and psychiatrist have worked to make sure to make as addictive as possible and you can't escape it. Thankfully moving all my social media to another device, helped a lot with that but I still find myself going back like an addict from time to time.
I guess that's why I didn't want to talk about it, because I am still struggling with this instead of the upper two since I have to go on these platforms to share my stuff, however, realizing recently how damaging and addictive these short form unlimited videos can be I took an oath to never make one myself again and I unlisted and/or deleted all reels/short I had made to make sure never to do them again[1]. If needed, I will make the long form vertical video that people aren't compelled like drug addict to keep swiping from. They have to sit down, listen to me and get bored if they have to but I am done making those kinds of videos.
Also the biggest culprit in all of them: "The Relatable Content" Why? Oh God! Just why? Why you need to watch tons of videos of things that happen to you in your real life and be like, this is so relatable. Why? Just, don't. You might be pretty mad reading this and shouting to comment something but I urge you not to. And if you are having a realization that you were doing this all this time and have just sat down to it, good, be sad, be sad, be depressed if you have to, be bored but don't just watch these relatable content and smile and move on to some other thing.
Anyways, here living through someone else is not having those little fun, quirky stupid moments in your own life but actually seeing it on a screen. While I was a kid and we didn't have this social media thing at home, we used to do stuff together, like even watching crappy movies together. Now even if a movie is playing, everyone is on their phones doing something else.
I might have stopped this for myself by going out for sports and having an hour with people who aren't in my home but I still haven't figured out how to manage it in home. I am still working on it. I have some ideas for it but I need more research to come with a definitive answer but as you will read below, there are answers to it just like it is to everything else.
Back to blog:
I don't know how well I am able to say this in the blog right now, it's a tough pill to swallow and it's a tough thing to recognize if you're the one who has been trapped in it. It's only when things stop and you look into your Digital Wellbeing app, you realize how many hours you have spent just living your life through someone else.
There are multiple different ways to spend your time better: Learning a new skill, reading a book, spending actual non-screen time with friends and family, going out to some place, joining a physical in real life group of some sort, playing sports, meditating, and if all of it sounds too much of a work, just sleeping, yeah, just go to sleep.
Get Bored. GET BORED. Get bored for a change because then when you get bored, you will realize life isn't just about putting stuff in, and slowly over time you will start to hear it, you will start to think it, you will start to realize that there is a part of you, deep inside, that isn't driven by animal desires of hungry-eat, bored-watch reels, craving-addiction, but something else, something we call human. And it is my belief in life that to be human is to create.
Create something, and don't compare it with others at all, and if you have to compare, compare it with the people living in your colony, NOT THE WHOLE INTERNET. You might not be the best singer, painter, gamer, blogger, youtuber in the whole world or your country, but you might just be one in your own colony, hell, even your own house. More on this in another blog.
Short Note for Gamers:
1) And this might be an important thing to say here, take a break from multiplayer games Player vs Player games where you win by someone other human losing, play something that brings you together, or in other words PvE games. I know it's hard. I know most of your friends are playing those games only but the reason you are friends with them is because you looked only for them. Take a dead COD MW2 game for example, to this day, you will find steam forums with people willing to play this game with you in PvE mode to complete their mission and I had a similar great experience with someone in Ghost Recon, a completely dead game now, but I did.
1) Will add link here when I blog about it. I actually did but in youtube community post and they can't be searched so it will take some time.